


There Are No Secrets from Nabiki Tendo

by thankyouturtle



Category: Ranma 1/2 (Ranma Nibun-no-Ichi)
Genre: Humor, Multi, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 06:36:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thankyouturtle/pseuds/thankyouturtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuno can't really know about Ranma's curse - can he? Nabiki sets out to find out exactly what Kuno is hiding, and why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are No Secrets from Nabiki Tendo

**Author's Note:**

> Written for voksen, Yuletide 2008.

There were some things that nobody knew about Nabiki.

Actually, there were a lot of things nobody knew about Nabiki, and that was just the way she liked it. Nobody knew, for example, that the English she now read so fluently had been learnt for the sole purpose of understanding the Hellblazer comics sold, in the original language, at her local comic book store. Nor did anybody know that for a time, and to her own abject horror, she had harboured a slight and embarassing crush on one Ryouga Hibiki. And nobody knew that on the the second floor of Furinkan High, on the North side of the North-East Wing, in the furthest room down the left of the corridor, Nabiki had her very own dark room.

Once upon a time Nabiki had outsourced all her film development. Keeping up with the current events in Nerima was a difficult business and it had been a lot quicker to let someone else do all the work. But recently she had decided that since some of the pictures held such sensitive information, it was better if she was the only one with ready access to them.

Besides, what with Ranma and Akane's arguing, Kasumi's saccharine serenity and Daddy's constant mood swings, it was sometimes nice to get out of the house.

So far, today had been fairly routine. She was developing the photos she had taken the week before, as well as the photos she had borrowed off of Gosunkugi while he had still been unconscious from his last fainting fit. There was nothing out of the ordinary - Ryouga had turned up after school to battle Ranma, Ukyou and Shampoo had started a very literal catfight after a sudden downpour, Akane had thundered home after some minor misunderstanding and Kuno-baby had turned up just in time for the storm to hit and his Red-Headed Goddess to appear.

No, there was nothing out of the ordinary about any of the photos, which had captured everything - Ryouga's anger, the look of bored irritation on Ranma's face, the portentuous scowl of all three of his fiancees, and of course, Kuno's detesting of Ranma's male half and lust and desire for his...

Nabiki stared. She had exactly five photos which focused on Kuno's face. The first two showed hatred; the last two, desire. But that one middle photo showed neither hatred nor desire. It showed a look of utter resignation that was so alien to Kuno's face that if she hadn't already known who she was looking at she may never had recognised him. What in the world was Kuno thinking of to make him look like that?

It took only a matter of moments for her to work it out. The time stamp on Kuno's photo showed, 16:54:09.73. and assuming Nabiki's calculations were right - and naturally, they were - then that was the exact moment that the storm had broken, soaking Ranma to the skin. And by dint of sketching a quick diagram to figure out exactly where the combatants and various onlookers were standing, Nabiki quickly came to the conclusion that there was only one person Kuno could have been looking at with such resignation: Ranma.

Nabiki didn't really think of herself as a curious person. She didn't want to know why the dinosaurs had died out, or what it was exactly that she was eating when she chowed down on a burger. She wasn't interested in knowledge for knowledge's sake. She was, however, interested in knowledge for money's sake, and as he was the richest idiot she knew, information about Kuno could potentially be extremely important. Important enough for her to want to figure out what was going on with him as quickly as possible, and that meant devoting the next few hours to looking through the rest of her photos - all of them - in case she had somehow missed a vital clue.

When Nabiki had chosen this place as her dark room and one sanctuary from the disorganised chaos that was Nerima, she had to take some consideration as to what she would do with her negatives in case anyone ever found her out, and the sign outside marked "Akane's cooking" and the locked door were not enough to deter the intrepid. So, on the wall furthest from the door, she had a mounted a framed painting, underneath which was the most highly secure safe money could buy. Anyone who managed to open the safe without setting off its nauseatingly high-pitched alarm would find a solid, threatening box, with no opening visible to the naked eye. Anyone who managed to open that would be disappointed. It was empty. Nabiki took her negatives home with her.

The six months' worth of negatives she had hidden in her bedroom proved to be useless. All those pictures she'd taken focussing on Ranma's damp, bra-less body had made her a lot of cash but were not at all helpful in gaining further insight into Kuno's mind. Actually, when she thought of it like that, she had to wonder whether perhaps she had imagined the entire thing. She'd known Kuno-baby for going on two years now, and there was no way that there was anything to him beyond his surface delusion and paranoia. There was no possible way that he could be hiding something from Nabiki Tendo.

...was there?

Feeling vaguely unsettled, Nabiki put away the negatives and left her room. Dull thumps coming from the dojo told her that Ranma and Akane were taking part in their second favourite activity: sparring. Well, sparring in the only way that Ranma and Akane knew how.

"Dammit, Ranma, why don't you fight me for real?"

"Aw Akane! I told ya before I ain't gonna hit a girl - "

In other words, she only had a short window of opportunity before their second favourite activity turned into their most favourite activity: arguing. Nabiki figured sooner or later the two of them would discover a third, much less violent activity that both of them would enjoy far more than any kind of fighting, but considering that that discovery would likely bring a dramatic decline in her income, it was in her best interest to not let them make that discovery until later, rather than sooner. Much, much later.

She cleared her throat and the scowls left the faces of the two combatants as they turned to see what she wanted.

"Ranma," she said pleasantly. "Has Kuno-baby been acting a little... odd, lately? That you've noticed?" Ranma stared at her and shrugged.

"You mean more than usual?" He snorted. "Just the usual gropings an' speeches like he's always done. That idiot'll never change."

"He did call me his Priestess of Tempestual Seas yesterday," Akane offered. She looked suspiciously at Nabiki. "What's this all about?"

"Kuno-baby hit his head rather hard last week," Nabiki lied easily. "I thought he had finally lost his last remaining braincells - but if you two haven't noticed anything then there's probably nothing wrong." Ranma murmured something about it being hard to lose braincells that hadn't been there in the first place, but apart from that neither of the teens looked particularly concerned. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Nabiki turned to leave, and then turned back, as if she'd forgotten something. "Oh, by the way Ranma! If you don't want me to tell Akane about this, I'm going to need a favour from you later." She flashed a photo at him, too fast for Akane to see, but giving Ranma enough of a look that his face contorted into the same expression deers wore when confronted by an oncoming truck.

"H-how did you - Akane, it's not what you think!"

Nabiki left, whistling as she went. The photo showed Ranma buying Akane's birthday present, but experience told her Akane would assume it showed Ranma flirting with another girl, and the halfway incomprehensible explanations given by Ranma as to what it actually showed would do nothing to pacify her. Any thought as to why Nabiki was making her enquiries would be forgotten in the ensuing fight.

Nabiki returned to the house to plan her next move. There were only two people who could possibly know Kuno better than her, and the thought of going to go see either of them was decidedly unpleasant. Worse, it could be dangerous. Unlike most of the people Nabiki knew, she had a very strong sense of self-preservation, and people with very strong senses of self-preservation did not make visits to Principal Kuno, the loon in charge of Furrinkan High, nor did they pay social calls on Kodachi Kuno, deranged gymnast extraordinaire.

She could probably cut it down to just one visit. Of the two, Kodachi was probably the closer to Kuno, as well as being the less likely to insist on cutting Nabiki's hair - she reached up to touch her own stylish cut reassuringly - but the girl was still dangerously unstable, and Nabiki would need to take some kind of protection if she didn't want to end up as Kodachi's next horticultural experiment.

"Is everything all right, Nabiki?" Kasumi's soft voice interrupted Nabiki's thoughts, and she glanced up to see her elder sister smiling at her inquiringly.

"Yes, thank you," Nabiki replied calmly. "I was just thinking about a house call I need to make."

"How nice!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Are you deciding what gift to take with you? It can be so hard sometimes! But if you think about who you're visiting, and what things they really like, you might just work it out."

"You know Kasumi," Nabiki said thoughtfully, "that is really rather helpful. Thank you." Kasumi smiled again and bustled back to the kitchen, and Nabiki grinned in a manner that could be described as shark-like. Unless she was very much mistaken, the girl she was going to be visiting was rather fond of flowers.

It took Nabiki a little longer than she was expecting to navigate the Kuno mansion, but eventually she came across Kodachi, dressed in her habitual leotard, feeding mice to something which Nabiki hoped was just an overgrown venus flytrap. "Nabiki Tendo," Kodachi greeted her, displeasure evident in her voice.

"Kodachi Kuno," Nabiki returned. "Please, accept this small token of my thanks for your gracious hospitality." She held out the small plant she had brought with her. Kodachi took it gingerly, as though taking food from a leper, and took a perfunctary sniff of one of the tiny flowers.

"Viola tricolor hortensi," Kodachi said disdainfully. "How... common. What is it that you want, Nabiki Tendo?"

"I just happen to have some information about Ranma Saotome's whereabouts this evening," Nabiki said, casually inspecting her nails. "Of course, if you're not interested..." She glanced around, and even more casually added, "That's funny, I thought Kuno-baby said he'd be around today. Well, I suppose you can't expect a Kuno to keep their word."

Predictbly, Kodachi bristled. "Insolent wench! A Kuno could no more break a promise than tell a lie! I could not expect a peasant like you to understand, but the Kuno family honour does not allow for dishonourable behaviour! Of course," she added before Nabiki could open her mouth again, "In the case of fighting your vixen of a sister and that red-headed harlot for the hand of my darling Ranma, Kuno family honour does allow for some... flexibility." She absent-mindedly fed another mouse to her carnivorous plant before recollecting why Nabiki was there. "What is this information do you have for me? Where is Ranma going to be?"

"At home, of course," Nabiki replied blithely, "where he always is."

Anger flashed across Kodachi's face. "How dare you-" she started to say, taking a menacing step forward, before stopping in her tracks, suddenly panic-stricken.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Nabiki theatrically slapped her forehead as though she'd forgotten something important. "Did you say viola tricolor hortensi? I should have corrected you! It was actually a viola tricolor neurotoci - which apparently causes temporary paralysis. Oh, it only lasts a day or two," she added in response to Kodachi's urgent moans. "I expect you'll be able to attend school on Monday."

By the time she was back to her own house, the sun was setting and the delicious wafting aroma of fish told her dinner was ready. She could see Ranma sitting on the roof, a forlorn and dejected figure - clearly he had not made up with Akane yet. He didn't show up for dinner, which meant Nabiki could eat as much as she wanted (although her appetite was dampened a little by Akane's glowering visage). However, once she was in her own room she suddenly felt disheartened. There was no time to visit Principal Kuno now, and although she'd spent nearly her entire Saturday trying to find out what it was that Kuno was hiding - if he was in fact hiding anything - she was no closer to knowing what it was.

Sometime between sleep and waking, the answer came to her. She had everything she needed to know - more fool her for not realising it sooner! Was she starting to lose her touch? Ranma had given her her very first clue, and she hadn't even noticed! What was it that he had said? Just the usual gropings an' speeches like he's always done. But that wasn't what Kuno-baby had always done. Before Ranma arrived, he had always treated Akane with respect - or as much respect a boy could give a girl when he was ignoring the fact she had no interest in him. And that first time his feelings for Ranma's girl half had become obvious - he hadn't grabbed him against his will, but given him a bunch of flowers!

So something had changed, and remembering at exactly what time that photo had been taken, it was obvious - at some point, some point very early in his acquaintance with Ranma, the truth about the curse had managed to worm its way into Kuno's thick skull. And as to why he'd continued to play along that he was in love with the red-head, Kodachi had helpfully given her the hint to figure that out. If Kuno admitted that he had mistaken Ranma for a girl, that the girl he had professed his love for was actually a man, it would constitute a serious loss of face, something that the Kuno family honour may not be able to sustain (in Kuno's eyes, anyway). So Kuno had had to throw himself at Ranma, literally, in order to keep up the pretense that he was in love with...

No, that didn't work. It might have worked if he had only thrown himself at Ranma, but he had started throwing himself at Akane, too. Knowing how long his obsession with his sister had gone on prior to Ranma's arrival, Nabiki found it extremely unlikely that it had ceased just because he had figured out that Akane was engaged to a boy who spent half his time as a...

...as a girl.

Lying in bed, in the dark, Nabiki let that shark-like grin come to her lips once more.

She called Kuno first thing in the morning and had him invite her out for lunch. It was time to tactfully remind him that there were no secrets that could be kept from Nabiki Tendo - and besides, at breakfast Akane had announced she was making lunch that day, so it would really be better to be out of the house.

To Nabiki, timing was important. A question asked too soon could rouse suspicion, or stifle an other-wise easily flowing stream of information. A question asked too late may miss its mark altogether. Today, though, she was on top of her game. She refused to answer any of Kuno's inquiries or react to his suppositions, and waited until he had taken a large mouthful of rice and mushrooms before asking, "So, Kuno-baby, when were you going to tell me that you believe my sister is a lesbian?"

Predictably, Kuno choked. Nabiki continued to quietly eat - this really was a very good restaurant - while he hacked and gurgled, stopping only when he managed to gasp out, "How long have you known?"

"The whole time, of course," Nabiki replied. "I kept hoping you were going to come clean, and that we wouldn't have to have... this little chat." Kuno winced, as Nabiki had known he would. 'This little chat', at the priciest place in town, was going to be seriously expensive. Especially since Nabiki had insited on trying almost everything on the menu.

"How else could your sister have always refused my gentlemanly advances?" Kuno began. "At first it seemed that she was only shy - ah, such naivity! Such modesty in one so beautiful! And yet, she allows herself to be engaged to a man - nay, not a man! A demon in human form!" Kuno's scowl was very black, and he reached almost automatically for his bokken, as though he was going to hunt down and slay Ranma right then and there. With effort, Nabiki managed not to roll her eyes.

"So, when you discovered that your beloved red-headed girl was actually Ranma..." she prompted.

"Ah! Yes; it soon became clear to me what had happened. The demon had discovered that my gentle warrior has- has the tendencies of a Sapphist. And he used his own dark magic to alter his image; to lie to Akane that he was cursed, that the touch of water would change his look; and naturally, the thought of this curse raised her sympathy and softened her heart, and the false front he gave her was so angelic, so perfect that even now she is falling in love with her!"

It took Nabiki a moment to unravel Kuno's speech, but when she had she was pleased to know that her initial assumption had been right: Kuno believed that Ranma was faking the curse in order to get Akane to fall in love with his girl-half. That only left one final question to be answered, and she was positive that she was right about this, too. Luckily, she didn't even have to ask as Kuno continued, "So I have been doing anything in my power to teach Saotome a lesson. By acting as though I am in love with his female appearance, I hope to disgust him into shedding this foolish pretence. And Akane - I know once I have shown her that it is a man she needs, not a woman, she will come back into my arms." Kuno eyed her doubtfully. "What is it that you want from me, Nabiki Tendo? Now that you know the truth?"

Nabiki nodded, ackowledging that there was something to more be said, and reached down for her handbag. In a swift movement, she pulled out a stack of photos and slapped them on the table. "3000 yen each," she told him.

Kuno eyed the photos with distaste. They were all photos of Ranma, dressed in a bikini, from the Tendo's last trip to the beach. "But that's double what I paid last time," he objected.

"I know Kuno-baby," Nabiki purred. "But if you stop buying photos how is Ranma going to think that you're in love with him?" She went back to her meal as Kuno stared at her, horror creeping onto his face. She had no doubt that he would pay, in the end - and it served him right, too, for thinking he could keep a secret like that from her.

"I despise you," Kuno said finally, his voice bleak.

"I know," Nabiki replied happily. "Isn't it time that they brought out the next course?"

When Nabiki returned home she was full and satisfied. She noted that Ranma was once more sitting despondently on the roof - a row over Akane's cooking, undoubtedly - and allowed herself to smile as she climbed the stairs to her room. Although it was worrying that Kuno had lasted so long without her discovering the truth, she now had a nice increase in income, and things had returned to normal. She could once more happily say that there were no secrets from Nabiki Tendo.

Outside, on the roof, Ranma was also smiling. They hadn't expected Nabiki home so soon, but it had taken all of a moment for Akane to duck away from sight. Now she was leaning against him, her head resting on his shoulder. "She'll find out sooner or later," Akane said sleepily. "One day we're going to forget to argue, or I'm not going to hit your hard enough or... and then she'll know. She'll know we've been faking it this whole time. It's hard keeping secrets from Nabiki."

"I hope it's much, much later," Ranma murmured. Then, brightening - "But just in case it ain't, we should probably make the most of now, shouldn't we?"

Akane grinned in answer, and lifted her face for a kiss.


End file.
